“Yes, I have a pink dildo”

On December 8, 2011, in Alcohol & Drugs, Sex Crimes, Weapons, by djeyli

Late last month, two police officers with Pennsylvania’s Plains Township Police Department were on patrol at around midnight when they spotted a man standing in the parking lot of a nightclub with his jeans on the ground.

As detailed in a criminal complaint, the officers reported that the suspect “was inserting an unknown pink object into his anus.”

The police added, “The unknown male was also masturbating.”

Additionally, both investigators “observed the unknown male holding his penis looking at both officers.”

After trying to walk away from the patrolmen, Robert Matello, 49, stopped to chat.

Matello, the officers noted, smelled of alcohol and had red, bloodshot eyes. When Officer Michael Smith asked Matello if he was carrying a weapon, he gave an answer never previously memorialized in a police report: “Yes, I have a pink dildo,” Matello replied.

At that point, Matello removed the sex toy from his pants pocket and attempted to hand it to Smith, an offer apparently declined by the officer.

Matello went on to say that he “was only pleasuring himself,” according to the complaint. And that he was “just spanking his ass.”

Despite these reasonable explanations, Matello was still charged with indecent exposure, open lewdness, and public drunkenness.

He is scheduled for a January 17 preliminary hearing in a Luzerne County Magisterial District Court.

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